The Beauty of Being ‘Heavily Pregnant’

It’s not a great term is it? “Heavily pregnant” but that’s what we’re going with. Now that I can finally say I’m having a baby next month, I definitely fall into that category of tortoisepregnancy, and I can confirm I very much feel (look) it.

It’s amazing how much you forget from one pregnancy to the next and for me it’s forgetting just how tired I get with just over a month to go. Having a toddler in tow this time probably doesn’t help with my energy levels, but gee-whizz, I feel like if my bladder (and constantly moving baby) allowed, I could sleep for a week without waking. Although a straight eight hours would be pretty rad right now.

Being heavily pregnant comes with other little bonuses too:

  1. Even maternity clothes are becoming slightly too tight. I mean come on, throw me a bone here, my current choice is anything that stretches or anything tent-like with holes for my head and arms.
  2. I feel like I could fall asleep anywhere except I can’t actually get comfortable enough to have a full night’s sleep ever. I actually believe I will have more sleep when this baby arrives, but that could just be denial.
  3. Every single movement I make comes complete with a sound effect.
  4. I’ve perfected the waddle, the hands on my lower back arching my back stance and the “don’t even try to talk to me” death stare.
  5. I’m so over being pregnant. I’m sure it’s my body’s way of preparing me to accept that shortly this baby will be coming out, which I am totally fine with.
  6. I swing between being excited and then in a state of almost denial mixed with fear. “Aww look at this little vest, how can something be so small? HOW DO I HOLD A NEWBORN WITHOUT BREAKING IT?” Pretty normal stuff there.
  7. Weird but normal for this stage in pregnancy bodily happenings start, well happening.
  8. I see my midwife more regularly which means making peace with peeing on my hand first thing, while trying to pee in a pot with the world’s smallest circumference.
  9. Personal grooming is no longer safe for me to do myself. We’ll just leave that one there.
  10. I’m hotter than the sun, and therefore probably one of the few people in the UK grateful we haven’t had a nice spring. Sorry!
  11. I’ve embraced the “full brief” and I have no regrets.
  12. I’ve forcibly embraced only slip-on footwear.
  13. I have to sit down to put on my pants, socks, leggings and trousers.
  14. When turning over in bed during the night I have to sit up and turn over, and then usually pee (in the toilet, not my bed).
  15. Right now the sound of cracking open a new Gaviscon seal is the non-pregnancy sound of the prosecco cork popping.
  16. The whole needing a pee immediately after I’ve just had a pee thing.
  17. The hormones that make me want to divorce myself are back. Ben is doing a top job of just dealing / ignoring them to be fair, depending on what he thinks is safest. I guess he has learnt from the first time!
  18. I spend a lot of time trying to imagine who this little one will look like. If this one could look like me a little that would be nice.
  19. I am constantly starving, but can no longer finish a meal, which you would think would be a good thing, but it basically means I snack hourly.
  20. Everyone in public stares at me. But they soon move out-of-the-way, I feel a little like Moses.
  21. I have to remember to only fill the bath halfway or it will spill over the sides.
  22. Seeing a sunny weather forecast makes me irrationally emotional.
  23. I really miss underwired bras, this mono-boob nursing bra look is not the one.

S xxx


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