You know those moments in life when it feels like you’ve had an epiphany? For example, it took about a year after Reuben was born until I really realised I was a mum. I still get that from time to time.
There’s been something else that’s been sneaking up on me, more quickly since I had a child, and that is how I’ve realised how much I’m becoming my mother. Now this is no criticism, my mum is great, but if I’m honest I just always thought I was a lot cooler than that.
I have gathered some supporting evidence:
- FIVE MINUTES PEACE
I holler (and holler is the correct word) this at least once a day, usually during *that* time after dinner but before bath time. When everyone is a little wired on food, a little sleepy, and a little bit hating on each other because we’ve spent a whole day together and actually just get out of my face. For FIVE MINUTES. Ta.
- WHAT WAS I SAYING?
I start conversations, I digress, I never finish what I started, and if people remind me of the starting point of the conversation I normally don’t remember how I was going to end it anyway. I’ve kept this brief for that exact reason.
- KEEP THE DOORS CLOSED AND THE DRAFT OUT
I have such vivid memories of this one being shouted in my house growing up, usually followed by my teenage door slam and a sarcastic ‘I’VE JUST SHUT THE DOOR’ screamed at the top of my voice. Sorry mum. Anyway, I really feel drafts now (is that an age thing?) and woe betide anyone who has left a rogue door open while I’m trying to keep the heat in. I don’t pay to heat the street you know, were you born in a barn? Etc. etc.
- I READ THE DAILY MAIL.
Daily. In my defence I do take everything with a pinch of salt, and unlike my mum I don’t still blame Tony Blair for everything. And it’s mainly for the sidebar of shame that I’m not even that ashamed about anymore because everyone does it.
- I MAKE NICE FOOD AND COMPLAIN WHEN IT’S NOT EATEN
Growing up with a Northern Irish mother meant we had a lot of Irish stew and dumplings for our dinners. Cheap and wholesome. I love stew and dumplings now, when I was younger though, I literally thought my mum was trying to poison me and refused to eat it. Now the tables have turned and although Reuben is hit and miss with any food, sometimes he eats nicely other times he launches it, there’s something a little heart-breaking when I’ve gone to the trouble of a nice healthy wholesome meal and he eyeballs me and says “No. Done.” And throws it on the floor without a mouthful. Sorry mum.
- I HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH MYSELF
All the time. Mutter mutter mutter. Someone in Tesco actually asked if I was talking to them last week. Mortifying. I do give a good answer though. And I’m always right.
- I’VE STARTED SHOPPING IN M&S
And not just for pants and a Dine In meal deal. I even bought some of their jeggings.
- MY HANDBAG IS FULL OF CRAP
I’m quite a minimalist, clean lines, love the smell of bleach. So the chaotic, messy side of motherhood has taken a while for me to adjust to. My once organised handbag (phone, lip gloss, purse, compact mirror, keys) is non-existent.
In fact I have three handbags and a changing bag on the go, with all my belongings (purse, coins, tissues – used and clean – playmobil, cars, noisy toys, sudocreme, books, teething granules, wipes, nappy bags, cuddly toys, raisins – in and out of the box) spread over the four bags. I am that person in the car park, or standing outside my front door, muttering expletives while trying to find the right keys, emptying out the bag, and then putting it back in when I find my keys in my pocket.
9. TECHNOLOGY IS CATCHING UP WITH ME
Once tech savvy, now, maybe I’m a little behind the times. It takes me a while to figure out how to use some things these days, much like the voicemails I’d get from my mum on my mobile where she thought like standard voicemail I could hear her “Hi Siobhan it’s your mum are you there?” Oh how I laughed. Now? Not so much. Contactless payment, blows my fricking mind. And I went on a workshop to learn how to use a new laptop. And don’t get me started on using a blog.
I can’t think of a tenth right now, I’m sure there’s one out there but I forget. Hmm.